One year at AMR, Grace, Dignity and Others

Yesterday was my one year mark for working in Emergency medicine. It has been a great year. I still enjoy it. I primarily work events because of the flexibility of the schedule for school. When I first started I didn't know what to expect now I feel like I'm prepared for anything. I could treat head injuries, stilleto injuries (great story), falls, cuts, to much to drink and problems associated with that and placing a bandaid on the simple blister for those who wear super cute but painful shoes. I've been bled on puked on and hit on. And on occaison I get to catch a glimpse of the actual concert. The last ten minutes I caught was while holding the hand of a girl who had too much to drink...she danced, I prayed she wouldn't fall...again. I enjoy having a job that I feel is an extention of being a Mother, I get to take care of strangers. I've met some remarkable people and I hope to make friends for a lifetime.
I've had some things weighing heavily on my mind lately...our Cobra insurance is up in October and I need to go fulltime for work in order to get insurance. Timing is everything. In order to go full time I need a second vehicle. We have to have insurance! I also need to finish school. I have approx. 18 months left. But again, to do that a second vehicle is needed. I can take care of my family financially after finishing school. We are so close to being independent as a family. Our family has done well with one car for 10yrs, I can see a desperate need for another at this time.
My husbands health, he had two great Dr. appointments this week. The first with the primary care. We do not need to worry so much about the stable Angina because it's just that stable...yay!! Jeff is a pre-diabetic possible diabetic, what I mean by that is his Dr. is hoping with a better diet and a little excersize he could be ok. Jeff has already gone for a walk..great job hunni!! He continues to deal with the bathroom issues and his Lipoma (fatty tumor) has not changed. Jeff as agreed to take all meds recemended. YES!!!! (prayers answered) The second with a neurologist. She is working on the nerve problems that he has. Two lumps were found on the back of his neck attached to his spine. There is no need to worry at this point. They are being watched closely. I wasn't at the appointment but I am frustrated that Jeff didn't ask more questions regarding this new problem. He seems to be content with waiting the three months until the next appointment?? *sigh* This will surely bring on a new wrinkle. Ok I say these were two very productive appointments because they are optimistic with solving Jeff's problems and improving the quality of his life. I have had such heartache and a feeling of loss with his health problems lately. I didn't see our marriage being like this. I am literally fighting to stay positive and productive that it can be exhausting at times. I am fearful of doing this on my own. It's only been 18months and I have to somehow wrap my mind around the fact that he will never be the same strong healthy guy. I have such compassion for what he is going through. I think it's key to changing my mindset as to how I see our marriage and our family. It's never going to be a whitepicket fence situation and we just have to make the best out of this frustrating experience. I remain hopeful and faithful otherwise I would just stay in bed all day...I know too much drama, sorry!! I have too much I want to do in this great life :)
I am letting go of those people that can't handle living with a chronic illness. I'm so sorry I had unreal expectations. It's ok...I understand now. I'm so sad but I can't force them to understand what I'm going through and be here for me and my family. I will always love them and be here for them.
I love and appreciate those in my life that continue to "hold my hand" as we grow as a family. You are amazing and I admire you. I believe the only way to get through our challenges is with others. Yes one of my biggest life lessons is understanding the importance of letting others help carry our burdens. I am so sorry I don't have more definitive answers to Jeff's health probs. I know it must be frustrating for you. My mother lived with a chronic illness for approx. 15 years. I know what it's like as a daughter but I am far from understanding how to best deal with this as a spouse. I've shed a lot of tears this week and have prayed a lot...it has helped. I struggle with trusting and I believe it's because I've put my trust in those who are unable to understand. I also don't want you to know how much heartache I have over the loss or change of loved ones. Now you know...*biting nails* just kidding I know you guys by now lol!!
My ultimate goal is to get through this with grace and dignity and help Jeff do the same. It is important to me that my children see how important it is become closer to our Saviour in our difficult times.
Jeff is amazing...he helped a young man in our Ward pass off the last thing needed to get his Eagle for scouts, his swimming merit badge. This young man has struggled with a fear of swimming for years. Two hours with Jeff later and whalaa....he passed!! We are so proud of you Kyle!!
Jarrin is still doing BMX but not as much as he would like with only having one car.(geesh when did the car become such a thorn) He has an awesome attitude. I can tell he is sad but I think he knows we are doing our best. He's having a great summer!!
Jaliece is doing well. She's had some cold/allergy thing the last week. She loves having Jarrin home all day.
This gospel ROCKS!! I know how blessed I am just don't let me forget it k lol!!